Thesis continued


        "I think I have been raped."
"Was it you or someone else?"
        "Maybe someone else.  I don't know.  It was in the middle of the street.           It hurt."
"It must have.  You are justified in feeling this pain."
        "Thank you.  That is all I wanted to hear."
"You're welcome."
        "I suppose we can both die now.  Isn't that what we're waiting for?"
        "I am the one asking questions here.  Do not attempt catharsis unguided.  This is your final warning.  Proceed and your session will be terminated."


I personally felt violated at every instance of my life.  There is never not a knife or a Big Mac inside of me.  Everything is equally bad.  The human race is the tragic hero never not fallen.  Please let me stop bleeding. 


--Where is Elizabeth?
--I can't hear her. I don't know.
--She is a fiction isn't she?
--No.  She is an archetype. 
--She is the woman you will always never have for long enough to make you feel in control and sane.
--How do you know this about me?  How do you know any of this?
--I just remember.  Once you said, "I'm already dead.  I am just waiting now for a place to lie down."
--I said that?  Maybe it was someone else.
--No, it was you.  I remember the way you repeated it, and how the rain fell from your hair down on your right nostril.  You said it over and over again and it just kept on raining.


"Hello dear."
"Why is all this dust in the air?"
"We live in a desert, dear."
"Fuck."


--How ya doin?
--Fine.  How are you?
--Pretty good.  Just reading the Bible.
--That's good.
--Are you religious?
--No, not particularly.
--Too bad.
--You don't think I'm going to hell, do you?
--I'm afraid so.
--You're right.  That is too bad.  Well, good luck.
--Yeah, you too.
--Thanks.


--I don't pretend to be a critic or anything, but I--
--oh really, what good are you if you can't criticize or theorize?  (Eric Crump, head of composition studies at Kansas State University, is changing the world we live in.)   There must be something more.  Some separation of language and reality that keeps us from perceiving.  (A bifurcation, I found.) Why is it that if we read that we are happy it isn't the same as being happy?
--stop it, stop it, stop this cannibalism.  You can't keep doing this to words.  it isn't right.
--I didn't do anything.  Honest, I didn't.  I don't believe anything exists.  I am somnambulant.  I am perfunctory.  I am am am am all of these things unless you agree with me in which case I will have to kill you all which is something you cannot understand because something keeps us from freedom because as long as there is a God or we believe there is a God we will never be free.


        You have to watch.  That is the problem with the information age.  (This could be Oedipa Maas from Pynchon's The Crying of Lot 49, or Pug the Pirate  from Lem's The Cyberiad.  I always feel like I have to justify myself.) You see everything and if it doesn't make you sick you get numb and if you get numb you impulse buy things you don't need and run up a credit card debt because America can be wrapped up in a box and given away as presents.  Stop watching.  Turn it off.  Fight everything.  Believe in nothing. 


Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you are enjoying this presentation so far, but we have to take a moment and hear from our sponsors.


        "Do you have problems taking a shit?"
(it is a woman walking through a spotless white bathroom, she is holding up a box of laxatives)
        "If you do, take Toxidan.  It is guaranteed to have you shitting heaps and heaps by morning."


Thanks for staying tuned in.  Now back to the program.


And let's see who the next contestant is on Wheel of Salvation!  Will Jesus Marquez come on down!
        "Hello Richard.  Thank you for having me on the show."
Don't worry, Jesus, everyone is a part of this show.
        "By the way, it is pronounced Gee-zsus, not Hay-suzs."
Bet you thought that would make a difference didn't you.
        "No sir, my parents did."
Are you ready to spin?
        "Yes sir." 
(He crosses his fingers and then spins the wheel.  Harpsichord music plays in the background.  Blond-haired Eunuchs dance on stage left.  The wheel stops spinning on a square that reads "Mystery Unexpected Surprise.")
A Mystery Unexpected Surprise!  (The crowd cheers)  What do you think it is Jesus?
        "That's Jesus, sir, Gee-sus.  Well, I hope it is heaven, but the yacht would be nice, too."
We love surprises here on Wheel of Salvation.  Richard, what did he win?
Well, Richard, Jesus wins...A NEW CAR (the crowd applauds)  a year's supply of TURTLE WAX (the crowd cheers) a box seat at the Vatican for the Pope's next Sunday Sermon and (the crowd goes wild)...
Are you ready Jesus?
        "Gee-sus, sir, Gee-sus.  What else?"
THE JAWS OF LIFE        
        "Pardon?"
THE JAWS OF LIFE!
(the crowd looks bewildered)

END