Three meat patties, eggs over easy. Yes ma'am, yes sir. Bottomless coffee. You got it. Ham and eggs twice, waffles, syrup. Yes ma'am, sorry, sir. One apple pie a la mode. More coffee, yes sir

*

So what am I doing here? Do I know? Would I be here if I knew? Life happens, you do the best you can with it. Try not to leave the world worse than you found it.

*

Beer at the other counter ma'am. Newspapers by the door. Yes ma'am. No ma'am, we don't keep those.
Yes sir, that's right, mealworm and June bug omelette. With fried squash blossom. Yes sir, no problem

*

When that guy came into the shop I knew he wasn't human. Don't ask me how. He looked right, he just wasn't. But he didn't scare me. I reckoned he was on my side. Our side.
How did I get here? That'd take too long, we've only got fifteen hundred words.

*

No sir, the rib-eye steak isn't vegan. Yes sir, more coffee, yak's milk on the side

*

Well, sure, I can see you ain't human either. No, you don't scare me either. Are you on our side? Oh. My side. OK. Why me? Don't tell me you want me to save the universe. That's well above my pay grade.

*

Hi Mac. No, you know we don't give credit. This is the last chance, buddy, you can't pay tomorrow. That's good of you, ma'am, he doesn't deserve it. One hamburger with everything

*

Listen, I'm serious. What do you want with me? Huh?

*

No sir, the virtual reality isn't working. The virtual tech guy should be here tomorrow

*

What's that? Oh, the guy in the shop. You know him? Oh. Well, he comes in the shop in Wichita, where I'm working, about six months ago. He tells me this hard luck story, about how he needs a ride out to the desert to meet someone. Well, hell, I've met plenty of panhandlers and I know how to deal with them, but somehow I find myself agreeing to bring him out here.

*

Yes ma'am, the sport results are on the screen over there. Sure thing. I hope your team won. Yes ma'am

*

So, no saving the universe, OK? OK. So what? Save myself? You're kidding. Why would you - why would anyone? - want to save me?

*

Yes sir, just coming up - Su, get the gentleman a can of prolixity. And a bottle of hot sauce, yes sir

*

OK, now what's this about saving me? Why should I be saved, rather than anyone else? Well, OK, yeah, but I don't see anyone else being saved. Well, yeah, maybe I wouldn't… So look, what is this? The Rapture? Because listen, I'm not that good a person, I don't get to church too often - oh. Not the Rapture. You're not an angel. OK.

*

No sir, we don't have calamari, the octopus got up a petition

*

So, where are you from? Another galaxy. Sure, right. What? Do I find it easier to believe you're an angel? Uh. Maybe… OK, so you're from another galaxy. Why are you interested in me? I'm not important -

*

No sir, clarity's off, we can't get supplies. We got ambiguity and ambivalence. Cheese omelette, sure, why not

*

What do you mean, I can see what's in front of me? Can't most people? Oh. Oh, well, maybe you're right. But, hey, why are you doing this anyway?

*

Yes ma'am, we have newspapers in six languages, Time magazine, the Bible and the Koran, we did have Das Kapital but somebody stole it. No ma'am, it's by Karl Marx. That's right. Karl, not Groucho, yes ma'am

*

But why would you want us on your planet? Haven't you got enough people? Well, no, I guess that's not the point, but … Look, I was brought up to read the small print. What's in it for you? How do I know you're not planning to put me in a zoo, or on the menu? You have a shortage of short-order cooks on your planet?

*

No ma'am, I'm sorry, we're out of plantain and lobelia. We've got peanut flavour, or indecision and cheese. Yes ma'am, thank you. Pay at the desk, thank you

*

Well, no I guess not, not the planet as such. There was someone - but they're gone. So, sure, I could start over on another world. If I'm sure the deal's kosher, you know?

Sure, I know there's not much time left here - Oh, that little, huh. OK…

*

Yes ma'am, sir, hot dog with haze, onions, mustard, twice, fries, cola, absinthe, to go. With ice

*

Listen, man - oh, sorry, sure - but listen, friend, why? Just tell me why?

*

Pea soup and baloney, yes sir

*

Give me one good reason, yeah?

*

No ma'am, we're right out of equality, no-one stocks it any more

*

Seriously? Just because of that? Well, who'd'a thought it? Well OK then. My shift finishes in half an hour - oh. OK, I see. Yeah, I'll take a chance. Sure.

*

Sorry sir, the kitchen's closed. Due to the end of the world. No, sir, I don't think it is fake news, actually. No, this actually is the last chance...