Anyhow, to get back to your reasons, yeah, mine are similar. There is a fine line between therapy and art, a line between what one does for oneself and what one does for public display. We have quite a few art books here so I've seen a lot of modern (performance) art pics replicated and some of them are beyond me. Art (as in painting, sketching etc) is, of course, a different medium to photography. There
is self-portraiture, and then there is the use of the 'self' as tool. People who cut themselves in front of an audience and bleed onto the canvas; people who cover their naked body in paint and then roll around on the floor; people who drip paint out of their anus onto paper. Does this kind of thing come under the umbrella of self-perception or do you think this is something else entirely?
Personally, for me the element of control is a huge factor in my photographs. I dislike my… well, things have changed a little bit. I never had a problem with my body, it was always my face I hated. Now that I have put weight on, I am not as happy with my body. But to go back to the body/face thing, I never had a problem showing myself naked on the internet. It started
when a male photographer invited people to submit their photos to his xanga site. Men and women. He would often post naked pics of himself on there, and he said a lot of his female friends had body issues and if anyone would like the chance to post anonymous pics, then send 'em on. I didn't care if he was an artist or a pervert, I liked the idea so I sent some and he showed them. One woman left a comment to the likes of 'where are her tits?' Which enraged me. Not simply because I always used to have a complex about them, or lack thereof, but the fact that it had been made clear all along that the pictures were for people to feel comfortable showing themselves. I felt she was being 'mean' for the sake of being mean and not keeping in with the spirit of things. Anyway, most of my personal pics were headless because I hated my face and when I started to post some on xanga, I got a few comments about the cold anonymity of them, so I carried on in the same vein.
I once got together all the photos of myself in my friends', sisters' and parents' collections and got rid of them. Now, if I'm taking the picture, I have total control. So they are not honest, and they never will be. I'm not saying I manipulate them, at least, no further than cropping an image or changing it to sepia or b&w (with the odd exception), but I won't show something I'm unhappy with. Now that isn't necessarily something another person would be unhappy with. Perhaps I would show thread veins or zits or cellulite, but not my face in profile. What's important, or *as* important as what others think, is what I think of a self-image.
This goes so far to explain the reasons behind our pics but what about the more personal ones, the ones that we can't show each other for reasons of privacy, taboo, crossing boundaries etc?
SH: I remember that fellow and his site, and I thought briefly about sending in my own pictures, but never had the courage too. I later found a different site, that automates complete anonymity, and I sent some in to there, but even those photos that I took didn’t really capture what I was looking for about myself. When I turn the camera on me It’s fair to say the dynamic changes drastically. I have a hard time photographing myself. I think it’s because I have a hard time finding or understanding my own essence. That's part of why I enjoy this sort of conversation so much, and why in the end the art ends up being for the audience, even if it really is for the artist. When it comes to self-portraits, I need the audience to interpret those self portraits. It’s therapeutic in a way, and the audience acts as the therapist. Interpreting my subconscious exploration.
The unfortunate thing about that situation is that the audience doesn’t always have the tact or consideration of the artist’s feelings in mind, and despite what may be viewed as wonderful and groundbreaking, or just mundane, explicit, or whatever. It’s usually about some form of insecurity and an attempt for the artist to come to terms with that insecurity.
This is part of an ongoing discussion/project between Spyros Heniadis and myself. We hope to continue and take this further. Watch this space!
The Subject of Object continued...
