NIGHT:
four o’clock. Something had been nagging at the back of her mind with such intensity that it intruded into the muddled fabric of her dreams. Moonlight shone directly into the room, dragging goblin shadows from under the skirtings, setting the timbers creaking and grumbling. Pale moths fluttered hopelessly at the windows. She padded silently downstairs to where the looking-glass leaned against the scullery wall. Her heart thumped wildly as she crossed the icy flagstones. Her reflection slowly lifted its head and opened its eyes, staring wide-eyed back at her. She felt the hair at the nape of her neck lift and stiffen. From somewhere she gathered the resources to stand her ground. She risked another look. Then she knew what had disturbed her sleep. There was no mirror image of the drab room beyond her reflection. Instead, there was bright sunshine, a flower-filled garden.
MOON:
dark clouds abruptly covered it. She fumbled her way back to the fetid room and lay for a long while, shivering slightly in the matt darkness.
LEARY, TIMOTHY:
suggested that in a culture so heavily gripped by the world of objective facts, so estranged from the experiencing self, little short of psychedelics can loosen the shell. At one time or another the priests of nearly all religions have found a new ‘sacrament - a substance which conducts power, a catalyst for renewed perception. For the Christians, wine. For Zen, tea. Pan and the Goddess also provide…
KANT:
the human mind can never grasp the ultimate nature of reality, of ‘things-in-themselves’; these can neither be confirmed, denied, nor scientifically demonstrated.
JUNG, CARL:
religion is nothing if not obedience to awareness.
But was she aware of her own existence until she saw that she was living the shadow?
I?
She looked directly into the glass. The reflection which was not quite hers, gazed serenely back, blinking out of time, mouthing her name, smiling - which was something she never did - waiting, expecting her to do something. She wasn’t sure what. It wasn’t her in the glass. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be. Could it?
HABIT:
addiction. And the looking-glass drew her relentlessly towards it. She couldn’t keep away. Once there she found it increasingly difficult to break eye contact. She developed a growing terror of being lost somewhere unreachable. Out of normal sight. And yet. Look! That other self had retained her youthful beauty. Her vitality. And she was happy. Day by day she blossomed. Soon she began to hear her calling.
GRIEF:
Lewis exhibited no obvious sign of grief. Just indifference.
FURY:
except when they brought in a JCB and began to dig up the water meadows.
ENERGY:
Brahmanic scripture speaks of two ‘fires - the spiritual energy, which descends from heaven, and the earthly aetheric energy, which ascends from matter. Their union, the union of polarities, is spirit wedded to matter. There'd been a fire in the scullery. Someone had burnt a sizeable carving. A faint black circle, enclosing an even fainter square, surrounded the charred remnants. This faded before it could be photographed. Curious because the roof directly above was blackened both inside and out as if struck by lightening. On reflection, it may have been a mirror that was burnt. Molten glass had fanned out, solidifying in droplets on the flagstones. Teardrops. Raindrops. Prisms, collecting rainbow light from God knows where. The heat must have been intense.
DRUGS:
traces of Amanita muscaria, the Fly Agaric, were discovered on the kitchen table. This is the red and white spotted toadstool of fairy stories, a strong hallucinogen and intoxicant, still used as such by the Lapps. The Druids are thought to have controlled the use of this fungus, reserving it for religious ceremonies. Possibly, rites of passage.
CARCHARIAD:
imprisonment. Once a fortnight Lewis drove her to a supermarket in the nearest town. He handed over ridiculously small amounts of cash and waited in the car park whilst she agonised over which essentials not to purchase. She shrank at her own oddity. Other customers fascinated and terrified her, especially babies. Nobody, she felt, better understood their alien howls. Growing consciousness brought the realisation that they were trapped, netted, caged, encased - prisoners in diminutive earthsuits for upwards of three score and ten.
BUT
Freedom did exist. The voice continued to call her into that sunny Other place. All she had to do was to find her own way in…
ALICE:
Oh.
Didn’t I say that her name was Alice?
