Chickens: five fried chickens, one jerk half chicken, one coconut half chicken, one roasted half chicken, one tandoori half chicken, fifty-five Buffalo wings (pigeon size), twenty-four chicken McNuggets, six chicken sandwiches, two jerk chicken enchiladas (Cha Cha Chicken, Ocean Ave.), one chicken egg roll, one chicken taco.  Dishes: two Mughlai chicken (chicken of emperors), two Kung Pao chicken, one cashew chicken, one clay pot chicken (Vietnamese style), one lemon pepper chicken, one Cajun chicken linguini.

Turkeys: one hot turkey plate, one turkey sandwich.

Ducks: one duck curry.

Pigs: six slices pork bacon, six pork chorizo (picante), two pork chops, two pork pot stickers, one pork carnitas burrito, one barbecue pork sandwich, one barbecue pork ribs.  Dishes: two Peking shredded pork, one pork Lo Mein (Szechuan Palace, Culver Blvd.), one Mu Shu pork, one pork in garlic sauce.

Cows: twenty-seven hamburgers, one aloha burger (pineapple and teriyaki), one Shack Burger (Louisiana sausage) one double chili hamburger (sloppy!), one filet mignon (fancy!), two meatball subs, two al carbon (charbroiled) streak burritos, one chile colorado beef burrito, one chile verde beef burrito, one beef tamale, one barbecue beef brisket sandwich, one beef pot roast sandwich, one beef gyro, one beef (or beef-like) jerky.  Dishes: one Mongolian beef, one Hunan beef, one curry beef.

Sea Creatures: eight unspecified battered fish fillets, four oysters (raw), two fish tacos, two baskets salt and pepper squid, one cod sandwich, one crab sandwich, one plate hot braised shrimp, one whitefish, one eel, two albacore sushi (Sushi on Sunset), two yellow fin sushi, one California roll (dude).

Deli: nine salami sandwiches, three corned beef sandwiches (rye), three club sandwiches (white), two BLTs (white), two hot pastrami sandwiches (Gordon's Market, Culver Blvd.), one ham sandwich (wheat), one Italian sub (ham, pepperoni, Genoa salami).
Sausages: seven jumbo red hots, four regular hot dogs (with casing), four chili corn dogs (Santa Monica Pier), two pickled sausages, one Boudin sausage, one breakfast sausage, one kishka (stolen).

Pizzas: eighteen slices cheese and pepperoni pizza (Vinny's, Lincoln Blvd.), one small Hawaiian pizza (cheese, pineapple, Canadian bacon).

Soups: six bowls hot and sour soup, three Ramen noodle soup, three chili (con carne), one West Lake beef soup, one Thai rice and noodle soup, one clam chowder (New England style), one mish mosh soup (matzo, kreplach, rice, chicken, noodle), one spicy goulash soup, one lentil soup, one albondigas (meatball) soup, one Jamaican gumbo.

Pancakes: nine pancakes.

Potatoes: twenty-eight French-fried potato orders, eight mashed potatoes, two latkes, two potato kreplachs, one potato knish (Jerry's Famous), one potato pierogi, one baked potato.

Breads: one loaf garlic bread, one loaf banana bread, one loaf sourdough bread (Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco), nine buttermilk biscuits, six slices sweet Hawaiian bread, four pita pockets, two bagels, two Puris (Tandoor-A-India, Pershing Dr.), two French rolls, two cornbread muffins.

Rice (servings): eleven steamed rice, five fried rice.

Beans (servings): five refried beans (Senor G's, Culver Blvd.), four black beans, four falafel, three baked beans, two hummus, one Lima beans, one Cajun white beans.

Vegetables: eleven green salads, nine dill pickles, eight peperoncini peppers, four carrots, three tomatoes, one onion, one bell pepper, one iceberg lettuce.  Servings: two nopalito (cactus), two corn, two mixed vegetable pullao, two pea, two onion ring, one spinach, one broccoli, one baby bok choy, one babaganoosh, one spicy eggplant, one zucchini.

Fruits: nine bananas, four fried plantains, two Gala apples, one Granny Smith apple, one Bartlett pear, one avocado, one cranberry sauce.

Salty Snacks (servings): thirteen popcorn, ten nacho, seven saltine, four Corn Nuts, four Beer Nuts, four granola, three barbecue pork rind,  three dry roasted peanut,  three Doritos, two cocktail peanut, two snack cracker, two Funyuns, two chili Fritos, two honey barbecue Fritos, one almond, one pretzel.  Potato chips: eight salt and vinegar, five jalapeno, three steak and onion, three sour cream and onion, three sweet Maui onion, two barbecue, two regular.

Sweets: one pound chocolate truffles, half pound orange parfait, half pound strawberry parfait, eleven fortune cookies, five packs Reese's Pieces, three Oreo McFlurries, two Butterfinger McFlurries, two black cherry sundaes, two chocolate donuts (Randy's, W. Manchester Blvd.), two Milano cookies, two Almond Joys, two Baby Ruths, two Kit Kats, two Sunkist fruit candies, two green suckers, one chocolate/vanilla twist ice cream cone, one slice coconut cream pie, one slice apple almond cake, one Schwarzwald Kirsch torte (sehr gut), one chocolate brownie, one glazed donut, one chocolate mint, one cupcake, one peanut butter cookie, one chocolate chip cookie (chunky), one vanilla moon pie (warm), one Ding Dong, one Reese's Stick, one Heath, one Look, one Junior Mints, one Payday, one Rollos, one candy cane, one cherry licorice.

Condiments/Sauces: one quart catsup, one pint brown mustard, one pint Tabasco.  Servings: thirteen gravy, ten salsa, five Italian dressing, four French dressing, two mango dressing.

Dairy Drinks (glasses): twenty-two nonfat milk, two chocolate milk, one Brooklyn egg cream (chocolate), one Shamrock Shake.

Juices (glasses): twenty Gatorade, seven Sobe, six lemonade, four orange juice, four Orange Bang (it's whipped!), two Caribbean fruit juice, two Snapple, one nice Hawaiian Punch.

Sodas (twelve ounce cans): nine cola, seven root beer, four strawberry, four grape, three raspberry cream, three Dr. Pepper, three Diet Coke, two Cherry Coke, two Squirt, two black cherry, one good old Mountain Dew (ya hoo!), one Jolt Cola Cherry Bomb (heart palpitations), one cream soda, one Cactus Cooler, one Stewart's Key Lime, one lemon lime, one ginseng ginger ale.

Teas: eleven cups Earl Grey, one Thai iced.

Coffees: four cups regular black, three espresso (small thrombosis).

Beers (twelve ounce cans or bottles): one hundred thirty-eight Budweiser (classy!), twenty-two Miller High Life, thirteen Miller Genuine Draft, nine Pabst Blue Ribbon, eight St. Pauli Girl (sexy dirndl), eight Corona, seven Cerveza Pacifica, six Bud Ice, six Kirin Ichiban (brewed for good times), six Rolling Rock, six Henry Weinhard's, five Asahi (kanpai!), five Tecate, three Heineken, three Coors Light (no excuse), three Polar Bear pilsner, two Grolsch amber, two Caffrey's, two Killian's, two Guinness (lovely day), two Prohibition Ale, one Sam Adams, one Golden Bear Bohemian Lager, one hefeweizen, one Foster's oilcan (Australian for hangover).

Malt Liquors: thirty Mickey's Big Mouth (impressive!), twenty-one Schlitz, four Steel Reserve 40 ounce, one Colt 45 double malt 40, one Country Club 40, three St. Ides coconut special brew 22 ounce (why?).

Distilled Liquors (shots): thirteen assorted gin, ten Jim Beam bourbon, seven Jack Daniels Tennessee whiskey, Six Patron tequila, five rum, two scotch, two vodka, one brandy, one Jameson Irish whiskey, one Maker's Mark bourbon.

Festive Mixed Drinks: five Long Island iced teas, two Margaritas (blew out my flip-flop).

Liqueurs (servings): three Jagermeister (ja! ja!), one Dubonnet (oui! oui!).

Wines: two Carlo Rossi Vin Rose 1.5 liter, two Carlo Rossi Blush 1.5 liter.  Glasses: seven house red, five sake, four sangria, one house white.

Pharmaceuticals: twenty Bronkaid caplets (congestion), eight codeine pills (recreational), five Percodans (also recreational), one aspirin, forty vitamin C tabs.