by Andrew Hook
continued....


Fetch

        2. The apparition of a living person; a wraith; one's double (seeing it is supposed to be a sign that one is fey or fated to die)

M regarded his reflection. Whereas all the objects within the bathroom and its overall design conformed to stereotypes which M might expect to exist in such an establishment, and which by their presence served to create a composite reality, these were subject to generalities in comparison with the consideration of his own face.
        
Not that its physiognomy was static. M knew that over a period of time his features had transformed through the process of aging and development. However, the nature of the gradual incrementation of these individual manifestations ensured the recognition of his face remained constant. Whereas - like anyone - M had only ever seen his face through reflection, he nevertheless was able to identify it through other means such as photographs or video footage. This recognition went beyond the simple attributes of a face: such as for a nose to be situated above a mouth and underneath two eyes. And it also went beyond the words utilised for that description: nose, mouth, eyes were not simply terms to be used in a certain manner to represent the body parts they referred to, but in themselves had through daily repetition transcended their function as words and superimposed their meaning onto the subject of their description. However, M knew that it remained the juxtaposition of each of his features which caused him to recognise his face, regardless of how they might be coined, and that in isolation that recognition might be much more difficult.
        
His mouth, for example, must only be marginally distinguishable from other mouths, but considering the numerous deviances from a single expression - allowing forty-three muscles to frown and seventeen to smile - M could only imagine the possibilities of capturing such interstices between those states and how each would render his features differently. Should it be the case that his mouth might be dissociated from the rest of his face, would he be able to recognise it in each of those permutations? He doubted this. Similarly, his nose, Romanesque, with a preponderance of tiny freckles on the left-hand side, was perfectly his within the context of his face, but viewed independently M could not be sure that he might identify it so. Likewise, his greeny-brown eyes with their iridescent centres - so beloved of several women of his acquaintance - were only his eyes when they appeared over his nose which twitched over his mouth. And whilst his face might be considered greater than the conjunction of these three (in)distinct parts, M felt these specific items to be much more identifiable than his ears, or cheeks, or the curvature of his forehead.
        
He wondered how Brigitte - waiting patiently in the restaurant - who had been accustomed to his face for only a matter of hours - might recognise him should he detain longer in the bathroom. How much the expectation of his re-emergence would colour her identification. Or whether there was more to himself than his physical features - perhaps an intangible essence - which would identify himself to her when he returned. Whether - should he have a lookalike or even a twin - a replacement would instil in Brigitte a sense of the uncanny, so that she might doubt her senses, or whether if such a replacement adopted his exact mannerisms and dress that she would subconsciously reject these aberrations and continue their conversation as though nothing had changed.
        
The more M pondered his facial features the greater they became removed from his understanding. Just as a familiar repeated word eventually loses definition, including all sense of structure and renders itself meaningless, so this could be applied to his nose, mouth and eyes. M recalled an instance repeating the word love, rolling it over and over in his mouth, in his mind, through his vision on the page, until each of the individual letters departed from the whole and the word remained but a sound without bearing any relation to its intent. This deconstruction held fearful fascination, because other than our physical bodies what else did humans have to define themselves other than words? And if words could be stripped of all sense, could be revealed as no more sensical than the language of a non-sentient being, then what if this reasoning were extrapolated to our physical realities: both of our bodies and the objects with which we surround ourselves? Surely, M considered, we might then be no more than memory. And yet without words to describe such memories - such transient attributes - might we no longer exist?
        
As though suffering from prosopagnosia, M's formerly distinctive features became less recognisable in reflection, considerably ill-defined, until the face cast back seemed no more likely to be his than Brigitte's, who remained patient in the restaurant, wiping the corners of her mouth with a napkin as she sat within the bustle of the Antipodea, no doubt casually regarding her watch in wonderment of his whereabouts.
        
As M concluded washing his hands and moved across to the hand dryer, he noticed that from this new angle only half of his face was now visible in the mirror - specifically the right side. Touching this side of his face he realised that from his reflection's point of view this was his left side, and the dichotomy disturbed him. Additionally, in keeping his expression still and not varying position, his fixation shifted from the section of his visible reflected face to the second half which appeared non-existent, comprised solely of plaster and peeling blue paint coupled with the edges of white tiling and a pattern of recent mould in the shape of a Rorschach test, in a simulacrum of pareidolia. M didn't subscribe to the theory of objectivism, which suggested reality existed independently of consciousness, and therefore could only consider he had created this reality of half a face - which looked nothing like a face but which suggested itself as such only through the mirroring of half a reflection which was in itself but a reflection. Should - M wondered - he photograph the suggested half face and then mirror it to resemble a whole and should - if he were able to do so - he might print out this face and wear it as a mask, would Brigitte recognise him through paint and paper, ceramic and brick, or was it only simply in context that any of us are recognisable at all?
        
The hand dryer was a Dryflow G-force MKII.
        
M began to consider all the factors which had conspired to lead to its development, all the coincidences required to place it in that moment.

Fetch

        3. (obselete) To recall from a swoon; to revive


Reality snapped around M as he exited the bathroom. Brigitte smiled warmly in welcome. If it had seemed to him that he had taken longer than necessary then she was too polite to comment. His chair scraped against the slate floor as he sat, his fingers reaching for the glass of water as if to replenish what had been lost. Brigitte was scanning the dessert menu and M followed suit: tiramisu with Baileys and white chocolate zabaglione and coffee; Pavlova with strawberries, cream and passion fruit; vanilla rice pudding with a strawberry parfait; or a dark chocolate pavé with salt and caramel.
        
Unlike the singular confine of the bathroom, the amount of variables required to encompass everything he could see within the hubbub of the restaurant were too many for M to contemplate. Instead he settled his focus on Brigitte: on her appearance, mannerisms, reactions, personality.
        
M wondered what dessert she would choose and whether he should make a decision to see her again based on that choice.
        
Meanwhile Brigitte regarded the man in the long purple jacket and faded tour t-shirt. He appeared darkly contemplative, perhaps overly serious, although she had determined a sense of mischievousness during their conversation and eye contact. He was intriguing and alluring, intimidating and pseudo. There had been plenty of time for speculation whilst M was in the bathroom: stomach troubles, nerves, drugs, or a phone call. Her thoughts had encountered and then discounted each of those possibilities, as a mathematician she was mildly obsessed with probability and outcomes. Her specialisation was exponentiation: the operation of raising one quantity to the power of another. If she equalled n and M equalled x then xn would correspond to repeated multiplication.
        
So whilst M's imagination filtered away from Brigitte to ponder the formation of the universe over 13.7 billion years ago and all the variables subsequently required to place him opposite her at the table, Brigitte's own train of thought dwelt more on the mathematical probabilities of their future: projecting the next 13.7 billion years rather than dwelling on the past.
        
This was the difference between them.
        
A waitress appeared.
        
M smiled, nodded. Selected his dessert.
Brigitte ran her finger over the choices, unaware their relationship held a twenty-five percent chance of survival although no order at all would reduce that probability to twenty.

Given hindsight, those odds were in her favour.