A man and two women enter Stage Left pushing (the women from behind) and pulling (the man from ahead, grasping the tongue) a small cart running on two large wooden wheels, with a figure sprawled in it, arms and legs out at all ends. All of them are elegantly dressed.
GENEVIEVE (left wheel)
Where's his top hat?
EVELYN (pulling wagon tongue)
It fell by the way a block or two back. How much farther to the Claim Centre? Put your backs into it at least.
TANYA (right wheel)
Somebody should have said something. My brother could use a hat like that for his upcoming exams.
GENEVIEVE
It's not proven the hat you wear has any effect on grades, now that examiners can't see into the exam room, but we could have pawned it for ready cash.
EVELYN
Not after it rolled down the incline into the pit with all the moist bodies. Nothing takes the value out of a new hat of fine silk like being soaked deep in blood and pus. (Stops.) I'm winded.
Genevieve and Tanya stop.
TANYA
I am too. They should burn those pits full of bodies more often. The stink!
GENEVIEVE
The rats munch-munching away. The disease. How long do we wait here at our leisure? We may be losing valuable time. What if somebody gets to the Claim Centre first with another cooker?
TANYA
Nobody else could have stumbled on a passed-out drunk so fortuitously. It's not very far.
GENEVIEVE
I don't see the cart moving itself. It doesn't matter how far if we aren't moving.
FREDERICK(half sitting up in cart)
Nice of you to help me along. Want me to push? Where are we going?
EVELYN
You stay right there. (Stage whisper to Tanya) Bit much to have him help move the cart considering what's in store.
GENEVIEVE
A dinner party. (Stage whisper to the others) Besides he has to be delivered like this in a cart. (To Frederick) You just stay where you are, you're a little worse for a lot to drink.
FREDERICK
I-----beg your pardon I-haven't had a drop I made a New Year's resolution.
EVELYN/GENEVIEVE/TANYA
It's July 14th.
FREDERICK (upraised finger)
Nevertheless-!
Slumps back in cart and begins to snore. The three begin moving the cart again, past centre stage, pushing slowly, steadily along.
TANYA
Wouldn't do to have him find out he was the main course and had to be brought in alive for dressing and cooking.
GENEVIEVE
If we get there first. I can't pay any of my main debts coming in second or third. Somebody remind me why we're doing this again?
TANYA EVELYN
Scavenger hunt. Truth or dare.
GENEVIEVE
That doesn't make any sense. Which is it?
TANYA
Both I think.
EVELYN
They aren't mutually exclusive.
TANYA/EVELYN
We've completed all the other tasks.
GENEVIEVE
So people all over this corner of the city are hunting up prospects for cooking alive rather than tell the truth.
TANYA
Teams of three?
EVELYN
Who'd know where to start?
TANYA
What if one of us lied?
TANYA/EVELYN
The whole team would be disqualified or worse.
EVELYN
Anyway the other teams would crush out of existence any team that tried to win by a cheap trick like telling the truth. All at once or one at a time. Who ever heard of such a thing? Will you two push?
GENEVIEVE (pushing harder)
I don't remember any of this.
TANYA (pushing harder)
You were right there with the rest of us. Stinking drunk of course.
GENEVIEVE
I wasn't. I'm practically a teetotaller. Anyway I'm sober now. This kind of work--
Exuent Stage Right.
EVELYN (off right)
How much farther is it?
Silence a long moment.
TANYA/GENEVIEVE (off left)
Not far. We're almost there.
Enter Stage Left.
FREDERICK
They don't know how much I've overheard, which is a good thing, and they can't hear the inner voice in which I scheme how to get out of their dreadful claws. If I had a pistol I could shoot myself and spoil their plans for shooting me at least. I nearly did twice last summer for much less immediately pressing reasons, but that's a phase I got over. Now it would be pills if anything, I have an adequate supply. Or I could shoot the three of them! it would be self defense after all, and anyway I don't have to stay around until the police come by and discover the bodies. Read about their identity in the papers, I wonder who they'll turn out to be then? nobody the least wiser about my self preservative role in all this and best not try to explain unless I really had to my part in their unfortunate but well earned demise (cook and kill a gentleman of my social standing!) if I had a pistol which I don't I'd have to be very quick and very sure of my aim in case any of them had pistols which they probably do. Anyway I don't, so my best bet's jumping off and scampering fast as I can away from them in a dreadful neighbourhood I'm not in the least familiar with-I wonder they can pass through it so unafraid, there's safety in numbers but around here I'm betting three is a pretty insignificant number of strangers they don't like treading through their street at night-and how far would I get before they winged me, whichever of the three has a gun? and brought me back, two and a half sheets to the wind at least still and in no shape to run especially on streets so wet besides which those looming houses with their glowering windows I don't like at all. It isn't raining now is it? (Holds hand up to test) no, that's a relief at least, you can catch your death in a downpour this late at night, I have to think! plan, workable plan, desperate dash for it still seems the best bet I'm almost awake enough and if they do shoot it will spoil the meat at least,
Exuent Stage Right.
FREDERICK (off right)
give them food poisoning maybe
Silence another long moment
FREDERICK (off left)
and serve them right.
Enter Stage Left.
EVELYN
How much further?
TANYA
Can't be much.
GENEVIEVE
If we're going the right way.
EVELYN
That is not what I wanted to hear.
GENEVIEVE
I'm pretty sure we're
BLACKOUT
