La Poitrine (The Chest)

Apologies, folks, my evidence seems to have been jammed or boarded or entirely taken over by pirates. 

Argh, that be right.  Us pirates, lad, we only talk in the present tense which makes some of our conjugations a bit strained. 

Avast they be playing me tune, "Fifteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest".  Now I be wondering were it a chest really or do they mean a treasure chest?  Ah, them old wooden caskets, me lad, full of jewels they be.  I used to own one but it got stolen from me.  After I stoled it from someone else.  

Did I just use the past tense there?  Argh, all this landlubber living it bain't no good for an old sea dog like me.  Tomorrow I be going to sign ahn at ye olde jobbe centre, me lad; if there be no rain in the sky, for it do affect me wooden leg like and I don't get nah disability benefit not no more nowadays, me hearty, since this there Coalition like.  Actually, no, I don't like; and the tax on rum is right rum.  Ah course all dem ladies these days they like their vodka shots.  People say this drink from the Russian steppes is tasteless but they bain't be right about that.  Nah, I can taste it.  I can taste white Cossack blood, me hearties.  Or blood from their hearties, pumping, flowing...